Getting comfortable being uncomfortable, and learning to handle those emotions can be a game-changer.
By Brian Begin
I got a really good, advanced question come from one of our YouTube viewers named Cameron a while back:
“Hi Brian, I love following your work. It’s really made a huge difference in my life, as I’ve come to realize that my major block I have with women is the ‘self rejecting’ things that I do subconsciously that pushes women away.
I’m able to attract women initially, but when I get the courage to approach them, I end up sabotaging it, and I can see the girls get weirded out by my sub communication, and sometimes I can see that they are actually really annoyed by my “persona” that comes up when i’m nervous talking to a beautiful girl.
How can I become more aware of what i’m doing that is rejecting women? Inside myself I feel fear, sometimes insecurity, and then usually when I see the woman responding poorly I get frustrated, and then I get depressed that once again I ruined an opportunity.
I haven’t been on a date in months, and I haven’t had any physical contact with women for a year or more. My confidence is really starting to plummet because I’ve been trying to fix this issue for years, and that’s not an exaggeration. sometimes I feel like I’ll never be able to even get a date or kiss because of my self sabotage.
Can you give me an exercise or maybe just some words of advice on how to push past this stage i’m at?
First off, thank’s to Cameron for being so vulnerable. That’s a huge share. See if any of this connects with things you’ve experienced.
What I notice from your question is that you are very aware of the chain of emotions you go through. Do you spend a lot of time thinking through your emotions? Are you feeling them or only analyzing them?
If you are in analyzing mode, you have to change this to start feeling. Analysis comes from the head. Feeling comes from the body. But before we get into all that, let’s back up a bit.
You said when you approach women, things go wrong. This is really common actually, even for guys who are really solid with women. Most guys create an awkward moment or two when they first approach. You have to learn how to ground it out and push through it.
It’s awkward to be approached by a stranger who shows interest in you.
So it’s natural for it to feel a little weird, but as you ground and show your masculine, you will create relaxation in your body. This will cause the woman you’re talking with to relax as well.
This doesn’t happen instantaneously. It may take 10 seconds, 30 seconds, or a few minutes. You have to get comfortable with women being uncomfortable, and being uncomfortable yourself. Being outside your comfort zone.
And you have to get comfortable with grounding when women are uncomfortable. Imagine you had a girlfriend – she will be uncomfortable at some points. If you struggle to deal with those moments, you are going to have a hard time staying in a long-term relationship, because that’s the role of the masculine.
Start taking a look at this area of your life. If the interactions are staying awkward or getting more awkward after a few minutes, then that’s what’s pushing her away. That’s where you have to do your work.
You should get the book Letting Go by David Hawkins and learn about releasing. It’s one of the most powerful tools I’ve encountered to release on emotions. I’ve also started to write and do videos on releasing, and I’ll include some links at the end of this post.
What you need to do is welcome the emotions that you feel are holding you back.
What’s happening is that you are analyzing them and have an awareness of them, but you are not processing them out of your body. It doesn’t take long to process enough emotions to start feeling better. It may take you some time to get through all of your stories and limiting beliefs, but you can get started right away.
If you’re feeling frustrated, welcome the frustration in that moment.
Ask yourself, “Can I welcome the frustration?”
After feeling it for a few seconds, ask yourself if you can let it go. To do this properly, you have to be grounding down through your body.
Lower your head a bit, feel down the center of your body, and imagine you are opening.
Wherever it is in your body that you feel the frustrations, and ask yourself if you can let it go. Even just a small piece of it. For some people, it helps if they imagine a little straw is sticking out of them that’s letting the tension and energy out.
If you leave this process even 1% lighter, then you are growing.
Start doing that a little bit at a time. If the frustration completely leaves, what else comes up? Is it anger? Can you let that go? Feel it in the body.
“Can I let this anger go? Can I let a little more go? And a little more?”
Start to notice the space for more courage and acceptance to come in. You are letting go of this fear and anxiety so courage can start to build. It takes courage to face your emotions and let some of them go!
Even if you are only able to feel a 1%-2% release, that small change compounded over time can radically shift your life. And in a very short period of time.
It’s a matter of getting started and sticking to it. It’s running in the background like weight lifting. You may not see huge results on day one, but they are happening.